Perfection is Fear

Oh the word, perfectionism. This word taunts at me ever darn day. The last few days have been rough. I have resorted to going to bed more. Why? Because I don’t know what I want going forward. I have no clue. I have plenty of eggs in the basket. Not in that kind of basket, but the opportunity basket. I bought a nurse coaching program, I purchased a writing program to write for magazines, and I bought into a marketing program. I am feeling overwhelmed by the day. What did I do? Went to bed…again. And, also took a not so racing mind med. Did it work? Nope. On both fronts. I cannot turn this mind off today! So, I went for a run and I had the wind at my back and it was an easy run until I turned around, then I just became more frustrated and went into walking. As, I was walking, a man was running by, and that was the motivation I needed to start again. See, things come at you and show you can do it if you tune in.

By tuning in I was able to finish the run and get back to the house and start writing. How do we set goals in which we want to obtain? It’s called writing it down. Journaling, perhaps. I used to buy journals when I was a kid and I would write in them a couple of times, then I would get bored. However, after I was finished writing, things became more clear. Right now though, I am scared to write things down because there is so much I want to accomplish, and I don’t know where to start! Perfectionism. It’s getting the best of me today. I can’t even sit down and enjoy reading a book because I have all of things that I want to accomplish to help people. I just don’t know which way I want to go with it. I bought myself a sign reading, “The best is yet to be.” Is it? That is your mind questioning yourself. I never understood people putting positive affirmations in their house until now. Every time I look at it, it does calm me. Slow down! Think it out. I also think the time change to where it gets dark at like noon is getting me down too. Ok, not noon. Four. They say the most creative mind peaks during the night time hours. I know I have plenty of thoughts at night, but my body just wants to take my meds for now and forget how much I didn’t get done. Breaking this habit it so hard and ongoing. I know I am in the same boat as a lot of people. I’ll try and keep pushing through.

I am not enjoying my job right now. The whole vaccinate mandate business is truly making me wonder what the world is going through. How is it right to do this? A person who has received the vaccine can still spread the virus. True. People are still getting covid even with the vaccine. True. However, symptoms may not be as bad. I wouldn’t know. I had the vaccine after I had covid. When does natural immunity come back into play? Where is the study that masks work? There was a study done back when the Spanish Flu was spreading and what made people sick was wearing masks non-stop. They developed bacterial pneumonia. Now, you can totally disagree with me on this. This is my research, my writing. On the other hand, I cannot wait to see people’s faces at work! I am going to run up and down the hallway and be the happiest person you will ever come across, you just wait. I am coming for you with a big hug, and I am not a big hugger.

Also, why do professional athletes get paid so much more than first line responders, health care workers, and teachers.? I know I have written about it before, but I can’t not fathom the reasoning. Saving a life is way more rewarding then scoring a touchdown or making a goal. I had a nurse mention to me the other day, “Brooke, we should get a gratuity tip on people’s bills like ten to fifteen percent. ” I was like, “hell ya we should.” We are the eyes, ears, and hands that work the magic most of the time at bedside. Doctors included on this one, for sure. Where does all the money go? The elites who have billions and billions of dollars say they fund healthcare systems, but keep getting richer and richer. Can you explain this to me. Vaccines are free, why isn’t food? They supposedly both nourish our body, right? You can answer yourself on this one. Be kind out there right now, people are on edge. However, most importantly, be kind to yourself. If we understood the concept, “We are right where we need to be, ” what would that look like for you?

brookeforsythe@brookesnursehonestytruth.org For those of you who do not want to comment specifically on the blogs, but want to through email. Here is my email for this blog. Thank you so much for reading! I truly appreciate every single one of you supporting me through this time.