2021 in Review

What a year!!! I couldn’t have asked for a better year! The renewed and improved has kept me going. We had a secret santa at work this year and I asked for positive affirmations in some form. Well, you get what you ask for and the affirmation for today is….”Everything I start, I finish Strong.” I feel like I am just getting started after this year, so the only way forward, is forward. My most liked blog I wrote this year was Anxiety vs. Depression and I can see why. People resonated with this concept and I know it has been a hell of of a year for everyone involved. I am sitting down here in Colorado and saw the smoke from the crazy fires that were an hour away yesterday, and now I am watching a winter storm plow through. Nature. Can’t be controlled, can it? Depends on who you ask. Just like anxiety and depression. Can we control it? It’s all about past experiences and outside influences. SO…I wanted to get off my sleeping medications and I went to my MD. Super nice doc and we got to talking about meds and I informed her I was off of all of my day time meds, but still struggling with the night time ones. So, guess what we did. Added another one to see if I could wean. Big mistake.

I didn’t notice what was happening to me because it was all so common for me. I blamed it on the daylight savings time. I couldn’t get out of bed. I wanted to sleep the days away because it just wasn’t worth it. The medication was supposed to just slow down my heart rate and bring my blood pressure down. Not mess with my mood. Not only did I get depressed, I also flew back to high school and college days and had the opportunity to have acne for a time being. I thought it was from wearing the masks. But, as I sat and wondered about what I changed, I really couldn’t think of anything. Meds are just a habit for me still. But, a light bulb went off and I looked up the side effects and there it was. Side effect: high school/college skin days. I mean it didn’t exactly say that, but it was a side effect. Then…..the side effect of depression popped up. Seriously, what medication doesn’t have depression as a side effect? I stopped the medication and my face was started to look like older Brooke again. Forty never looked so good.

I am struggling with goals for this next year. I want to do so much. Love writing, nurse coaching (the new forefront of healthcare), you just watch, connecting with family and friends, and the ongoing creation of this new outlook on life. I keep reading, “you are always right where you need to be.” We create where we need to be by thoughts and actions. If you knew the secret was to put positive energy, thoughts, and affirmations out to the universe, they might boomerang back at you and you get where you want to go. What if everyone practiced this? Oh man, the world would be a great place. It will get there. I have hope.

As I was talking about my depression with my Mom the other day, my past conversations were dark. No light. Did not care if my days were to end. And, I was talking about it the other day, the “why” came up in my head. Well, for one, I was a complete atheist for years due to my nursing career. My floor I work on is probably one of the most depressing since we get all of the palliative, cancer, and hospice care patient’s. I was thinking to myself of all the bad things I have seen over the last fifteen years. How could I not be depressed? Was life worth living if all you saw was death? I kept coming home defeated day after day. But, something kept telling me that is where I needed to be. I knew I brought comfort and I was getting some kind of fulfillment out of it. I was just looking in the wrong direction all the time. Beating myself up mentally. I did it to myself and let outside influencers in. You can let outside influencers in, you just have to be super picky in what you want to be in order to be the best you. The people that surround you are a true reflection of yourself. So, for this next year, I want you to be aware. Aware of yourself, your thoughts, your actions, and be aware of where they take you. What are you reflecting out there and getting back?

2022. The best is YET to come.