Self Doubt

Self doubt pretty much sums up fear. Why are we so full of self doubt? My parents always supported me when I got a good grade or when I did well in a basketball game. However, it was me who always thought to myself, “I could have done better.” Could I of though? Yes, you can always do better. There is always room for improvement, but you need those outsider, ” good jobs!” to keep you going. They are not thinking you can do better, they are proud of you for what you have accomplished in that moment of time. So why can’t we enjoy that moment in time? I think everyone of us is geared in our mind we could do better. However, we embrace those moments we are living in, and continue to strive for more. It is not a bad thing, it’s just how we are wired.

The other day I actually had my own patients. So exciting! It has been awhile! I was excited in the fact that I needed my soul to be filled because I was helping someone. They were mine to watch over. I set myself up for a positive day as I always try to accomplish when I first wake up, but my positive day collapsed. I walked into one of my patient’s rooms and he was dying from cancer. I could just see it…that the fight was over. He was still a full code and I knew I couldn’t fix it. Self doubt. I had to call the rescue assessment team because I knew I couldn’t take care of him the way he needed to be taken care of if we wanted to go full steam ahead. Self doubt crept back in on my day! The day where I was to watch over my flock! I instantly questioned my skills, my thoughts, and most importantly, my self confidence. Yes, after 15 year of nursing, I still question myself if I made the right choice. This profession is hard. It is years of tearing yourself up for things you cannot change or control.

So, here we go. Why is it that plumbers, electricians, painters, and the list can go on….why are they making more than healthcare workers? Now, don’t get me wrong, my plumber has saved my house many times and I am forever grateful. But, people, why are healthcare workers not paid more to save lives????? Why can’t we charge what we know we are worth? This system doesn’t make sense at all to me? Why are people struggling with their chronic diseases? Why is there not a vaccine for cancer? So many whys? Money…it’s all about money. I have had a few nurses come up to me and ask me why are the employees who have stayed committed to their place of work are not compensated for their excellent care? Good question! We hire a bunch of travelers, we give good compensation for our new grads or people that transfer over, however, the people that have stayed true to their corporation…..we hear……..crickets.

Nursing is the most underpaid job in the United States for what we put up with. We don’t need care packages that have self care materials. We need self care starting from the very beginning of our careers. We need mental health nurses who specialize in burn out and compassion fatigue to be by our side. We need successful nurse to patient ratios. Why do people have chronic diseases? Because no one has the time to sit with them to teach them!!! But we can keep giving them pill after pill. It’s called pharmacy driven healthcare. This system will soon break. People will wake up, know their self worth, and find the person they need to coach them back to why they became a nurse. Take care of the nurses! It’s called a ripple effect. You take care of those who take care of others! I know I am on a rant here, but it is so true. We were heroes two years ago and now we are forced to take a vaccine or put in a religious exemption? So, if we don’t do this, we get let go. We didn’t have vaccines when this first started. Also, there are more vaccinated people with covid in the hospital then there are non vaccinated. Let that sink in. Your medical choice for your body is your choice, not an entity. You are not owned by a corporation.

We can go back in time to the Spanish Flu. Masks didn’t work back then either, however, there was an increase in bacterial pneumonia. Interesting. Do your own research not main stream. Coming back to self doubt. I am taking a course in business and I am not a tech guru so I got frustrated and guess what I did? I went to bed. My anxiety, fear, and self doubt got the best of me. I had to take a time out. Guess what? It is ok to take a time out! Nurses, this is for you. Know when you get on shift, you are truly making a difference in someone’s life or a peer. Hold your head high, know your self worth. If someone tells you, “you did amazing today, ” take it in, but know we can always grow stronger, we can always be more positive. Enjoy that moment though. If you are getting overwhelmed, take a time out. Stand your ground for what is right not only for your life, but for others. We are the majority.