Insecurity Advantage

I used to look at insecurities as awful. Point blank, they are insecurities, we all have them, we think they will never go away. Your mindset and thoughts determine this. As some of you, my readers, may know, I am in a new relationship. I actually brought up to my mentorship coaching crew regarding the new phase, and one commented about a, “honeymoon phase.” Let me tell you, “honeymoon phases,” last less and less the older you get. Now, I am not saying this is bad, it’s actually better. Why? The insecurities we both hold on to come out and we either run away, or you work on them. When we fear our insecurities, they will show up in new relationships, guaranteed. What we fear, becomes. Does it not? Every time in my book.

So, insecurities test your communication skills. You have to put yourself in the others’ shoes. You have to feel what they have felt in the past. You have to go there, otherwise, you will never understand the person you want to be with. Communication is a must for both parties involved. We have to discuss our fears and be vulnerable with each other. This is where I struggle big time, not talking about fear, but being vulnerable. As I sit here and type this, I am shaking my head because it is so damn hard for me. I don’t let people in. For example, it took me about four years to let my counselor in, and that is the person you should trust the most. I have to make this process faster and how do I do that.? You go all in because you know the person standing on the opposite side of you, wants to be with you through thick or thin. In the past five months, I have had a peer/friend pass away, my insecurities have risen to the surface, and lastly, I just lost the only soul who has been with me for 14 years. My honeymoon phase didn’t last long and I am so grateful all of these events occurred because I know the person I shared these with, didn’t leave.

He has been by my side for every single one of them. Was it pretty? Absolutely not, but it made our relationship stronger. Not only ours, but the one with myself. I portray a tough exterior and he calls me out on it. I still act tough after it is said, but I know I can break down and I won’t be judged. I will be embraced. We all break down at different times. I have done pretty well with the fact my companion for all those years is gone in physical form. I feel she is still here, I just can’t see her. At 39, my longest relationship, is with a dog. As I think back about this, she is what I needed the most. She was the only one who saw me vulnerable. I hid in the past. Now, calls for new times. New beginnings. I told her it was ok to go, because I finally felt at peace with myself. I told her thank you for getting me through the hard times and being with me for so long. She knew she had to be here for me, because I wouldn’t let anyone else in. She knew it was her time to move on and I thank her all the time for where she got me now, in this moment in time.

So, our insecurities raise our vulnerabilities to the surface. You have to trust the other person you are with to help guide you through them with love and compassion. The soul you are with never wants you to fail, they want to make you stronger, and the only way you become stronger is becoming vulnerable. It’s a known fact. So, this is something I have to work on even more. It’s how we grow as a person and as a partnership. We grow together. Be with someone who challenges you emotionally for the greater good. They are there for a reason. You attracted them. Let them guide you to becoming a even greater you.