Power Struggle

Power struggles have been a hot topic for me lately. Why do we think we need to be right? This has to be the number one reason why people, couples, peers, disagree. If you knew we are just energy fields and we were taught in a round about way that the more energy you receive, the better you feel? So what does this include? The power to be right. You feel better when you have won the discussion or argument, right? When my other half and I have a disagreement, my go to, was to be defensive. Right out of the gates, an instant gut reaction. Well, then he responded why I was being so defensive? Was I hiding something, which was not the case for me, I just wanted to be right or maybe just be heard. I don’t do well with confrontations, they feel icky and when I am in one, I say the dumbest words ever. Unlike him, I mess up with my words, things come out wrong and then a whole other level is entering in. Now, I am not saying he is right all the time, I am just saying he has had more practice at it than I have. Which let me say is a good thing, because he knows how to communicate what he is feeling. Me, on the other hand, shield up.

The reason I haven’t had a lot of practice with confrontations, disagreements, fights (ugly word, hate it) is they suck the energy out of me. After a hard discussion, I want to go lie down and be done for the day. Properties of an empath. In going forward, I know I will be having discussions with my significant other or peers. People have different personalities and confrontations are destined to occur because we all have a different perspective on life, and thank goodness we do because we would not all want to be the same. That would be robotic. So, in the last year when something comes up, we were saying, “what’s wrong?” And after a lot of thought and consideration, this doesn’t sit well with me anymore. If you are going about your day and your other half comes in and they don’t match your energy level, we automatically go to the negative, what’s wrong. What if they just had a long day? Nurses, you can hear me out. When we are done with a 12 hour shift, we just want to go into the rabbit hole because we are at our limit with giving and giving. We shut down, we are instantly defensive because we have been on offense all day. Be transparent with your partner. Dating or being with someone who is not in the healthcare field, you have to communicate effectively. They do not know what we see at our work. If they want to hear you out, awesome, however, if it is going to take you to negative land, don’t go there. Why we all have to leave work at work. If you do need to discuss and vent, take some deep breaths, but know now it is in the past. It no longer exists. The only moment is the present.

OK, so my partner and I came up with another way of communicating the saying “what’s wrong?” And that is, “is there anything I can do to help you right now?” Say it with love. Be genuine. The person needs to take it as being intentional in a positive way and there doesn’t need to be a long explanation if not warranted. A simple answer of, “I’m just not in the right headspace to discuss right now,” is ok Don’t take it personally. Give it time. Everyone usually wants to converse when their energy is restored. It may be in five minutes, maybe in an hour, or after a good night’s rest. Give a timeframe. Nothing wrong with that. Tell them you are here, you are present, and you are available. Don’t take it personally! Own your own feelings. Delete the power struggle. Very hard to do because we have been taught this way, but I read something today. What we learned in childhood is what we need to unlearn in adulthood. Not saying everything you learned in childhood was wrong, but our communication skills are lacking, they just are and now you have time to fix it. That is, if you want too. I encourage it.