Validation

There is something missing at home to where I don’t feel comfortable. I made the comment to my other half which was, “I don’t feel anxious when I am at work.” Now, being a nurse, this is a bold statement. Now, the first fifteen years at work, yes, I was always anxious. Now this could have been due to my multiple use of prescription anti-anxiety and anti-depressant drugs. I was always in a haze, didn’t want to feel. Living a robotic life. The reason for these pharmaceutical remedies is because we hurt in the inside. Life altering event, stress, relationships, confidence, and most importantly, validation. And we can’t deal with our never-ending negative thoughts.

We want to hear other people’s validation; we crave it because we want to seek other’s approval because we do not believe the thoughts that go through our heads. We are attention seekers, we are always needing more, and the reason I think this is, is because at some point in our lives when we needed it the most, we didn’t receive it. The events that hurt us the most are the ones we remember. For some reason as humans, this is innate. Is it learned, is it generational, or is it the lack of positivity thoughts in our heads throughout the day?

I’m a great nurse, I know this, I get validated on it all the time. This is not boasting, this is just fact. I have earned it. I have been through heart ache after heart ache with patient’s and I deserve to know I have made a difference. Where it is lacking for me is my relationship’s outside of the hospital. The reason for the lack of validation is because I honestly don’t think I do an overly good job with home life. I’m told I do, but I truly don’t believe it. The reason being, is it takes time to get good at something. It takes mistakes, failures, and lots of emotion. Not have been in a successful relationship, I look at it as failure, so I am hard on myself for this. I am a new bonus mom, and I am scared shitless. Just am, I admit it.

So, other night, Riley asked me if he validates me enough? I really had to think about this because he does, but is it enough? Do I feel confident in our relationship all the time? Do I give it my best all the time? We validate the kids all the time, but as adults, do we validate enough? My answer is no. If we validated each other as much as we do with the kids, what would that look like? Why don’t we do this as adults? I think of us both of as self-confident beings, so we don’t verbalize it a lot. We say thank you, but is that enough? What is enough? What does this look like? When we are grateful for accomplishing chores, is there enough validity when we say thanks? I am falling short here because home was where I was never confident in. I was in sports, school, and work. Not saying this falls on my parents. This may just fall on me because I am lacking from the inside a little bit from some circumstances that happened along the way.

So, all in all, if you need more validation, it’s ok to ask for it. Validation may equal self-confidence and our self-confidence varies with work life and home life. Ask for what you want/need. But also ask for it within yourself, validate yourself and know you do good. Be communicators, not seekers. Ask your partner where they could help you out the most, it’s ok. The other person may just not know. Always assume good intentions.