No Life Outside of the Hospital

I am finding a pattern lately. As nurses, we focus so much on our work inside the system, we lose ourselves. We find that caring for others fills our souls so much that we forget what fills our souls outside of work. We become lost. We hide away in our houses; we don’t feel like our lives are meaningful unless we are at work. I blame the system; I blame nursing school. They do not teach how to function as a whole being. You are either are all in or you are all in. They don’t teach you compassion for yourself. They care more about not telling patients “That we are short staffed,” today than fixing the problem. Administrators are not doing their job. I honestly have not seen administration more than once since the collaboration of our hospital. We are being told what do to from their office. Are they too scared to come and talk to us. Ten years ago, the CEO knew the majority of the staff by name and would round daily. Where did this go wrong?

When did administrators who are former front-line personnel stop giving a shit? How do you lose the soul filling purpose? Because it feels so good when you make someone’s day or you just sit with them because they are lonely, and they have no one else. The reason I have not quit just yet from the failing system, is because I have hope. I have found reasons outside of the hospital to live for. I can disconnect. Only took me nineteen years, but it is my priority this year. I did drop down to part-time and I have been grieving it because I am not there as much, but I had to find myself. I honestly think health care workers should all be part time because it forces them to find light and love outside of the matrix, the system.

I disagree with a lot of the healthcare treatments. Throwing pills for fixes when we should be getting to the root cause. We don’t have time for that. I have been asked to speak at a hospital regarding why I became a nurse and what keeps me going. I am going to be very honest in my speaking because I want it to resonate with the silent pandemic of depression/anxiety among my colleagues. I wrote my book to let others know they are not alone and that there are solutions out there! Please take a step back and know that the failing system is not your fault. But don’t sell yourself short. You are capable of so much more than you think. The only person who limits you, is you.