Why do I Stay?

After my last post, I have asked myself why I stay at a job where we don’t get compensation for our moral and emotional tolls? The answer is simple. I was put here to help humankind. As, I relive the moment where my brother who I rarely communicate with anymore was the one to tell me to go into nursing when I was lost, I don’t think it was him who said it. Find me crazy, but I feel someone in the spiritual realm said that message through him. My brother at the time didn’t know anyone in the medical field and he had little to no experience in the healthcare field so why would he even say that? When I think about the times, I have given him the accolades of choosing my profession and thanking him for lighting the path to my nursing journey, I have realized it wasn’t him, it was a higher power.

Maybe I made up that conversation in my head. Did that conversation even occur? That is what is called the past, the forgotten. I have forgotten a lot of experiences from my past because they don’t define who I am today, in this present moment. So, I heard this message, I followed through and made it my journey. Almost twenty years later, I am in the same hospital, on the same floor and I feel I am where I need to be. So, why all are all the nurses quitting?

I don’t think it is a lack of trying or determination, I think it is a lack of self-confidence. I could be wrong. Now, am I saying that the healthcare system is the easiest place to work for? ABSOLUTELY NOT! They make it hard. The charting! All of this charting because they need to cover their behinds in case something goes wrong, when they can just blame it on the nurses. This is where the confidence part comes in, I think. I am just going off on a whim here. I have watched throughout the years, brand new nurses quit, and they didn’t even give it a try. They automatically self-doubted themselves due to past experiences, negative self-talk, or failed relationships past or present. Social media tells nurses to quit with funny memes which some are true. They are setting us up for failure. Where are the memes to help us through this roller coaster? Where are the positive memes?

When I started out, I had a much heavier workload with less resources. However, patients and families were more understanding. We were thanked; they were grateful for us. This has changed in a lot of the population. They feel that they are entitled, and they play the blame game. Patients are ashamed with how they treated their bodies, so it’s easier to blame someone else instead of owning up to their own decisions, their own choices. When I am upset about something, it’s easier to find someone else to blame than myself, however, I don’t play that game anymore. That’s called maturity, and working on myself endlessly to take ownership of my own choices.

I was just featured in a magazine and my information was put out there if they were interested in working with me. Guess how many people reached out? Zero. Some people will love reading this because they think I failed. I didn’t fail, I put myself out there to help and people are not wanting to work on mental health because it makes them look weak. Let me tell you something, the people who are seeing someone are the strong ones. They know they need to take ownership of their action and be a better someone not only for themselves, but for the people around them.

So, the reason I stay is because I know I do a great job, I have fulfillment in knowing I can make a difference, and I have gained the self-confidence not only through my work, but the lives that I have helped. I didn’t look at it as a job, I looked at it as an opportunity to make someone’s day a little better. Even though I have to deal with all the corporate bullshit, I set that aside and I create boundaries with patients and voice my concerns to upper administration. They still don’t listen sometimes, but you just have to keep at it. I don’t let them run all over me, I communicate how working together looks. Yes, there will be ones that just don’t care, but more often than not, they are just scared, and fear wins unfortunately. They weren’t taught how to deal with fear or heal from it. It’s time to heal your confidence and find what makes you confident. Because once you find it, you are unstoppable. Why I am still here.