Regression Part One, Two…

Let us get back to where I was in the ER with pneumonia. So, time to get admitted. At the time I was a House (Hospital Supervisor) as they needed and also worked on the 3rd floor as a staff nurse. Being in both of these positions, I obviously knew my colleagues working as supervisors as well. I informed them that I wanted to go to my floor because I would be most comfortable there, at least that is what I felt at the time. I was assigned room 353. My brain immediately triggered and I told them I would not spend the night in that specific room. Why? I had taken care of too many important people in that particular room who did not make it out successfully. Automatic brain trigger, or learned? I asked, ” What was my other option?” 356…Ok not much better, but doable. It needed to be cleaned first, would be worth the wait, so I thought.

Out of the blue, my other work colleague showed up from a dinner she was running for an event, probably a celebration of an employee. She loves celebrations! Who doesn’t? But, she is the forefront of the retirement parties, nurses week, and rewarding nurses. She thrives off of these positive events, as she should. Makes the world a better place and the hospital environment livable for our peers. It is definitely her calling! Thank goodness for her!! Thank you!

Ok, so room 356. My friend who brought me in and my colleague started packing me up. What happens again?! Major anxiety attack! I asked the ED nurse for some medication, and I was denied. Her response, “Oh, they will have orders up there for you.” I said, “I need some now.” I was not very nice, but if you are having an anxiety attack, you cannot control your feelings. She said, “it will be ok.” I wanted to ask her, “Are you feeling what I am feeling? Are you experiencing what I am? Are you inside my body having these thoughts?” Why didn’t I ask her these questions? I was scared, she would see my wall being broken down, so I stopped talking about it. Don’t let anyone see the real “Brooke.” Not good!

Now, did I talk to the ER supervisor after my whole ED experience and not getting anti-anxiety meds. Yes. Was I direct and disappointed? Yes. However, now I am putting myself in that nurses’ shoes…Shoes? Here we go again with referencing. So…I am putting my brain “sneakers” on, I like Brookes Shoe brand by the way. You saw that coming. The ER nurse knew me and my “good amazing acting.” She automatically assumed I could handle it. I really deserve a Golden Globe for this acting. What if I informed her I was vulnerable, informed her of my past, my mental instabilities, how many medications I have tried and failed miserably. Ummm…that would have taken hours. So, going forward you never know what an individual has dealt with in the past, so please don’t assume with anyone, even the RN who helped me in the ER. Treat the symptoms…look very closely at facial expressions. We have been taught them ever since we were born. Communicate effectively and be vulnerable, be honest, be truthful. Put yourself on the other side of the door to emotionally connect and open the door. You cannot see through the door unless you have a superpower vision system.

Up we go, to the third floor. Didn’t want to go down, that would be the intensive care unit. Uh oh, a thought entered in my brain. I couldn’t breathe, my thought process was full force, I felt like I was literally going to die. Good thing my friend talked me into full code! I don’t know if I said it or not, but I thought my brain said, ” Take me down, my throat is closing off.” “Go to the ICU NOW!” Second option. I looked at my friend, “Do you have anything in your purse?” She replied, “Yes.” We know things about each other. “Give me one please.” No, not an edible. Anxiety medication. She gave me one, I had no water, but then my nursing brain turned on. Chew it, gets into the bloodstream faster. When I put the pill in my mouth, my brain automatically knew everything was going to be ok. It had been my treatment for years. Just like when I put my glasses on at night, I am instantly tired, a learned habit. We all have them.

If I would have had the medication before the transfer up to third floor, would this situation have been avoidable? Maybe…maybe not? So, train your brain to perceive what might happen and help in anyway you can. Try to perceive humanity feelings, especially fear and anxiety, which trigger past events in unknown environments. I will promise you, perceiving what might occur in the future, will not only help the vulnerable, but it will also help you. Why? Because, it is a new thought process, and it makes you think differently about situations and maybe…you can control, for the better, the outcome. How wonderful of a feeling is that to help others. Creating the future for the better. It can be done.

The thought of the day for me and your thought for the day after you experience this post: one of my favorite songs is Canon in D. Mostly used for weddings, right? I knew I would have picked this song if I got hitched. Hitched. Really? When you are hitched to something, can you ever get away? Ok, now, look at the word and then the letter. Canon uhhhh…means something regarding war, not good. The letter D. What starts with D? Divorce. Would you choose a different song? Did they choose this calming song for their hitched ride, thinking everything is going to be okay?