Here is a letter I wrote to myself on this particular date to hopefully fall asleep on this night. I couldn’t shut my brain off. Here we go:
Thoughts are everywhere today. My anxiety is not controlled. Started thinking about when I started to lose interest in life. High School….maybe earlier. I get excited about things, but it is short lived. Friendships have fallen apart. I become so invested in someone, then I lose interest. Happens with a lot of my relationships, both significant and friends. I had to talk myself down a lot today at work. Don’t know if this is just the medication…probably is. Hopefully the sixth time is a charm.
Effexor 75mg to 150mg
Zoloft
Lexapro
Wellbutrin
Prozac
Ambien
I’m tired of thinking. I was paranoid that someone was following me home the other night, heard a loud plane-so scared. I am tired of living in fear. I just want to live. I bought this house thinking change was going to help. I’m stuck. I do good for a little bit, then a dead end.
What’s next? Job change
New carpet, New house, New car=Feel like I am going to the extreme. I’m financially safe. I have money!!!
I feel bad for my dog. She is probably thinking, “What a nut case in the last 10 years.” Got her when she was a puppy. I wanted her so bad, then uninterested. Birk took care of her, raised her. After we broke up for the first time, I didn’t want her. Didn’t want the responsibility…still don’t sometimes. I don’t walk her as much as I should. She is my rock.
I have such a beautiful life and I feel unattached. I’m not connecting somewhere. I’m questioning myself on how long I have felt this way? It comes in waves.
P.S. I resonate with 14. I correlate with 45. Look at the date and don’t make it political. However, George Washington died on the 14th. Just doing research.
Brooke's Honest and Truth Blog, RN 
Interesting read. You made me think of my Mom a lot as I read that. Thanks for writing!
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Thanks for reading!
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Brooke, you shared a thought filled memory of your past & your challenges. I am most thankful that you opened your heart to all those who will FOREVER love you!
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Thank you! My hope is everyone knows it’s okay to be vulnerable and be honest with one another
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I remember when you were a little girl and staying at my house for a few days while your parents were flying to Hawaii. You were anxious until we pulled out a big map and traced where they were going, how long they would be gone and that flying over the ocean was safe because plane’s would have a soft landing in water ( my attempt to soothe a little girls heart). You kept that map with you for a couple of days and then you decided that you knew everything would be ok all on your own. I truly believe that you are a person who just needs to mull over information and calm yourself down. Still love you and your sweet caring spirit that you have ALWAYS had…you go girl! ❤ Stacey
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Wowza, thank you for helping me so much. That means a lot!! I do not remember that at all. Thank you for being with me at that time and making me understand life would be ok. Forever grateful!
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