My First Night Shift

I completed my preceptorship on the floor I work on today. I graduated nursing school and I became an RN after six weeks of orientation. I told myself I was moving to Phoenix after I graduated. I hated the snow in Montana; guess I still like it, I am still here. Do you know why I didn’t move to Phoenix? I was scared, it was different. Would people like me? They liked me during my preceptorship, so I thought. I didn’t talk much. I knew the floor here, I knew the flow, and quite honestly, I hate change. Robot. Why don’t our brains like change? Think on that. My floor still had carpet in the hallways and our medication machines were at the nurses stations. Everyone was gathered in the middle with one nursing station. Carpet? Am I aging myself here? Probably a little bit. That’s ok. 352, 353,354,355,356 seemed so far away back then.

Our floor was reconstructed 4-5 years ago, maybe longer…I can’t remember. I think I tried to forget. Now, we have four nursing stations and we are able to provide better care, keeps us closer to our patient’s this way…..kinda. For me it does, I am not a chitter chatter box. Nursing back in the day consisted of reading Doctor’s writing, not always typing on the computer, which made us have some more time with patients. I feel we neglect our patient’s from the endless charting we have to do now, honestly. However, I had to have a microscope at times to decipher English language, because I did not want to call the MD to clarify their fantastic writing skills. They are always in a hurry. They had their inpatients and then saw patient’s at their office. It would have been scary to ask them to write better while seeing their 50 patients a day. HA! Maybe computers are better? Both are time suckers. Day shift= 8 patient’s per RN, 1 LPN, and 1 CNA for 16 patient’s divided into sides. East and West. We always called it the wicked west. 16!! Ummm…yeah. Not even close to being doable today. Why? The amount of charting takes away from patient care. What will the future bring in order for us, healers, to be with our patient’s? More to follow on that.

When will I see my peer’s faces again? I miss smiles, seeing someone laugh, I literally can’t take it anymore. I had a nurse tell me the other day that they were going to keep wearing the mask, even after we don’t have to. I replied, “Over my dead body!” This year and mental health. Good grief. It is so sickening as to what our, “norms,” have become. Stress and fear. What a “normal” brain feeds off of these days. Why do we fear so much? It creates stress. Stress is like cocaine for our brain. We are addicted to stress and fear. True. What if you took those two words and told them, “No.” It’s a freeing feeling, let me tell you.

Ok, back to my first night. We received report from a tape recorder on all of our 16 patients. Brutal. We had no idea what patient’s looked like. It was a free for all. I had 348-355. The husband of 353 just walked off the floor to go home. I got my things in order and prioritized my shift. “Get your critical thinking cap on Brooke. ” “It’s your first night.” “Don’t screw it up.” Seeing the husband leave made me go check on 353 1st. I entered the room, and she had died in the last 20 minutes or so. She was already on hospice, end-of-life care. My very 1st patient on my own….dead. How was I going to call the husband? She was 34 years old and a mother of four. He didn’t have a cell phone. I had to call the house where they lived out in the middle of nowhere and left a message with friends who were taking care of the kids. He would get the message later. Already defeated as a nurse….1st night. Guess what happened after that? I feared the room number 353, and to this day, I have not had a lot of successful stories out of this room. Did I create this by fear and stress? You tell me. I also didn’t like 352, 354,355,356. Those were my dark rooms. Are they now? No, because I no longer fear them.

I only do my best, and hope for positive outcomes, you cannot control everything. You have to let that burden go, and make more room for positivity. Positivity has a greater frequency, a bigger wave. Swap your fear, your stress, and insert positive vibrations when you start your day. Trust me, your day already got better. Remember when I had pneumonia and I didn’t want to go to 353. I feared it, I heard the number, and it only made my anxiety worse, and I became more sick. I have known a lot of patient’s in and out of these rooms, and they have made me into who I am today. I embrace the wicked west with positivity now, because it is now my thinking process going forward. Jump in with me. Be the change not only for you, but for others.