My intake began on August 5th, 2016. This was my second counseling experience. First one didn’t go so well, not that he didn’t help me, but I didn’t connect. I had been struggling with anxiety since childhood, and it was only getting worse day by day, minute by minute. My relationships failed, both significant and friendships. My way or the highway attitude was my approach. Boy, my highway was a bumpy one. Never smooth, never flowing, and lots of loose gravel. My good friend referred me to my current counselor, I took the first step to call, make the intake appointment, and I never looked back. August 5th, the day to many beginnings. I arrived at my intake and I was scared, as usual. What is she going to think of me? My wall was up, a thousand miles high, layered in concrete. “Brooke?” “Yes.” I was instantly enveloped in a warm, positive, high functioning energy, which I knew from that moment on, I was engulfed with love. Going to be honest, I was not a fan at first with overly positive beings, I thought they were always hiding something, not being honest about the truth of life. Almost five years later, I have become a shining light through her. First thing is , she had me fill out was the good old intake paperwork, then I received the Depression scale catastrophe paperwork. Oh, man. I am sitting here today with a copy of my 1st one, and I just laugh at myself for not being even close to honest. I scored a 6. My truthful and honest score if I went back in time should have been a 50….no doubt. She already knew though. Next time I took it on November 27th, 2017, it was a 30. What a year can do, when one truly wants to help you be honest, not only with yourself, but honest in life.
My parents divorced seven years ago in 2016, I had not communicated with my father since. “You were a vault.” “I loved the vault.” Her words she wrote down on my first day, my first experience away from darkness. Someone cared, she is not going to judge me. However, keep the wall, “vault,” closed, I have been burned too many times. She loves to say the, “love” word. It has always made me feel uncomfortable because I thought it was fake. After every session, she always ended with, “I love you.” In my head, “yeah right, you just met me, how could you possibly love this?” For four years, I went along with it. My family was never open about their feelings, we honored love with material things, which is what we knew best at the time, and that is okay.
My counselor has concepts I live by every day and they have made me into a positive individual, always searching for the good in people, in life. Meet people where they are at. One of her concepts. My hardest one. This took me years, and it is always in my mind when I am interacting with people who entertain fear or stress, or both. I truly think people were made to be positive, they are just not taught or haven’t obtained the right concepts. I have them, and I feel I have won the lottery over and over again.
I have gone from anxiety, fear, stress, hopelessness, defeat, to peace, reflection, mirror, faith, and everlasting love. She said,” It’s your work.” I disagree somewhat. It was her work, she instilled in me. If I had never met my guidance, I honestly can say, I would not be here today, or I would still be in a very dark place, waiting for a different intake. Now, I feel alive, colors are brighter, people are amazing, and my relationships are meaningful. I communicate with my family again, thanks to her. Roots are so important, strong ones make your soul fulfilled. She is family. She taught me patience, solidarity, and most importantly, the meaning of life. I am truly at peace with no fear, no negative thoughts, and only wonderment going forward. She lives in the presence, heals the past, to make a grateful future. She instilled in me, to love. She is the Key to My Heart.
I will ever be so grateful.
Love,
Brooke
Brooke's Honest and Truth Blog, RN 
Beautifully said! It takes love to be so courageous!
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Agree! Thank you!
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Your family is so grateful you found the right counselor & the best of you. Love you always
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Love you too! Seriously can’t wait till Sept!!
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Live in the present, heal the past, to make a grateful future. I like it! That heal the past is one of the hardest but one of the most fulfilling and some of the most ugly. It rolls into all other aspects of our life. You my friend are a warrior.
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Yes, we can’t live in the past, the road goes no where. Everyone has their inner battle to fight. We all are warriors:)
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it’s taken me a while to get caught up. I love to read your blogs. Finding my own perspective in your beautiful words is one of my favorite things to do. I can relate, reflect and use information in my daily life. You have taught me so much in such a short time. The energy you brought to my life has really changed things inside me. I have never known or seen the dark side of you. I have never witnessed you struggle. I’m sure you have your battles, but you fight them well. I appreciate you. I admire you and your strength. Your awareness and encouragement. I promise I could give you a thousand more compliments. It’s like I’m obsessed with you *giggle, giggle, wink.*
I do like to add my experiences and knowledge so here goes!
I started therapy at a young age. Mine started because of my nightmares. I held onto the darkness. I always believed I was a disturbed individual. I tried many times to analyze my nightmares. Interpreting what I found off the internet.
My first therapist didn’t work. It didn’t take long before I started fighting against scheduled appointments.
The next one worked for my siblings but I resisted opening up. Then a third one. Just right! But as I grew older, my life became more complicated. Each session I felt as though I had to hide the truth for fear of being in trouble. I didn’t follow her advice. I didn’t want to put forth the energy into being something I’m not. So for a year I paid(my mom paid) for me to pretend with a therapist. I could have just used social media for a lot cheaper.
After my first attempt, we (my mom and I) realized something had to change. She did all the work into finding someone that would be good for me. I started another session of explaining who I was and what was going on in my world. I pretended to be something I wasn’t. I said I was normal, I claimed my previous actions were silly impulses of my bipolar disorder. I blamed others for my situation. But, I continued to go each week. She never once judged my actions. Instead of giving me advice and stating what her view was, she made me think for myself. I had to do the work. I had to process the reasoning behind every decision.
I started to dig into my ways of thinking. I even brought out the truth of my childhood that I hadn’t shared with anyone. The events occurring in my life that I thought to be normal or not as bad became something important to work through. I had to understand this is my story, and what is happening is not okay. I don’t deserve it.
Anyways since moving away I have lost that connection. Even though she gave the invite to email and text/call anytime I need her. She would still offer her services free of charge. I haven’t let myself use her the way I had before. I have had contact through visits back home and sharing sessions with my mom(who also sees her)
I have tried a couple different therapists here and I haven’t found one I could connect to in that way, but also I feel as though I have had better help from those around me.
I feel as though therapy is like medication. There are many types of diagnoses, Although they can be treated in the same way, not all medications will work the same. The chemicals in our bodies react differently to the chemical in the medications. The ones that work for me, won’t work for someone else. There is nothing wrong with trial and error, just like finding a therapist. Just because he works for her, doesn’t me he works for me.
However, I do believe “it’s your work” is the truth. A billion people in this world can be there to help you along the way, but you have to accept the help. You have to open your mind, find your truth, and work towards that dream. Being told what to do gets you no where. But wanting to do something better, and having support along the way does wonders. Thank you for being a part of my journey, and supporting me. You are definitely one of the best!
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Thank you so much! And I love the sentence…therapy is like medication. Yes!!
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