How many times do you say “me” or “you” in a day? I am guessing an unfathomable number. Especially in healthcare, on shift, at bedside. How are you feeling? How is your pain? How are you?! Your demeanor when asking these questions reflect your thinking. If you are truly asking in a compassionate, positive manner, and truly want to know how someone is feeling, they will know, and they will feel your concern. They gain trust in you. They know you are going to listen to their concerns, which, in turn, makes a better day for you already. You instilled trust. Trust is a rarity these days, it has slipped out the window. No one can keep secrets or thoughts to themselves. Why is this? What do you get out of it? Not positive feelings, I know that. You get karma. Not fun. It happens. Trust me. I’ve lived it and I will never go back.
The way you treat me and I treat you is a reflection, it’s a mirror. So, now when I communicate with others, I put my mind into me talking to myself when I communicate. Keep an open mind here. “Treat others how you want to be treated.” How many times have you heard this saying? I can’t even count the times I have heard this. You should listen to it and read it again. It’s a solid saying, a solid approach. Would you want others telling your secret? I can’t count the amount of times I have lied and was deceitful, and boy, each time I was, it got me in return. Then I would lie to myself or others to get out of it. Left me feeling hopeless and a bad person. Negative vibes are so much stronger than positive because positive ions are not used as much. Be the change please. Make that transformation. We have been taught negative thoughts through life whether it be through family, news, social media, outside influencers, friends (choose different ones if need be), and the biggest one, yourself! You have the power to change the negative to positive. It’s called a charge. Remember physics? Same thing here. It is harder than hell to do, but once you rid yourself of negativity, your life takes a new turn, a new direction. You feel healthier, colors are brighter, interactions with people are invigorating, especially if you treat them like you want to be treated.
Your positivity will have a ripple effect. I guarantee it. Live and love positive waves. If it doesn’t have a ripple effect, please get back to me. I bet I won’t be hearing back from you if you start living it. If you want to tell someone a secret, or talk bad about someone, go to your mirror and have the conversations to yourself. You won’t feel good after conversing with yourself, but it will feel good because it did not affect others. Look! You told someone, now let it go, and move on. Sharing feelings is different. Individuals who share their feelings are reaching out to you. They want to just get feelings out in the open. All you have to do is just listen, not repeat. If they ask for advice, give it with kindness, give it with your whole heart, and it better not be bashing another person. Two sides to every concern. You better listen to both before sharing. A lesson I learned. Try to find the positive in the situation. There is always, always, always, a positive solution. Might be a little harder to find, but it is there. I have asked my peers at work to write on our patient whiteboards underneath one goal. “Be happy. Be well.” Patient’s need something positive to read everyday. Makes their day brighter, especially in a hospital room. Positive thoughts and sayings are sold in stores for a reason! I see them all the in time in homes. Are you actually reading and practicing them yourselves, or just buying them because they look good?
Brooke's Honest and Truth Blog, RN 
I absolutely love this new initiative! Thank you for bringing it to our patients!
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Me too!! You are welcome!
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I was watching tiktok. I’m not much of a fan only because I have no idea how to use it, but there is a guy i follow. He makes these videos with quotes and music. Even though I’ve heard some quotes before, they hit me differently when he said them.
“and if i asked you to name all the things that you love, how long would it take for you to name yourself?”
You are told to treat others like you want to be treated, but how well do you treat yourself? What you might do for others, you won’t do for yourself. But why? If you can’t treat yourself with respect, compassion, forgiveness and understanding than how can you practice those skills with someone else.
I understand that there is a lot of “me/I” statements. You can only speak for yourself. You are the only one that can control yourself, your thoughts, actions and so on.. But how many times are people considered selfish when doing a “me” thing. “I” have to walk away from this toxic place. It is best for “me” These things affect “me” “I” am feeling this feeling.
It’s so common to ask someone “Hey, how are ya?” “Are you doing okay” ” What are you up to these days?”
Those that take the time to sit with me, I feel are genuinely asking. In passing or a group setting, I feel they are just words blurted out. In which the typical response is “good” “I’m fine” and “living the dream” Is that really the answer you wanted to say? Nope, not usually my answer anyways. If I was talking to someone I trusted I would share more.
But like you said, some can’t keep secrets. I don’t think private information is shared with others to hurt, but more to process and review what information was given. Then, from there is gets twisted and turned and becomes hurtful. By the end of the telephone game you wonder who changed the word to be funny?
A long time ago, I watched a self recorded video of a loved one listening in on a conversation. This conversation was full of criticism. The two women mouthing off, about my loved one had no idea the story behind the situation. They only assumed based off what information they had. I watched this video of my loved one crying. Trying to maintain control, but couldn’t stop the tears. I was mad. I wanted to do some pretty darn mean things to these ladies. Could I, did I? Hmmm, no. I could not change what happened. I could not take away my loved one’s hurt. But at that moment I knew something I could do. I realized I was really good at “trash talking” and gossiping. Sharing secrets that weren’t mine, judging others stories even though it had nothing to do with me. I know for a fact others have done this to me. I have done it to others- recently to. Every time I walk in on a conversation where others are talking about someone else, I try to tune out or make some kind of sarcastic joke. I always ask, what do you say about me when I’m not around. I am always told “good things” In my head I think, well you told this person you were their friend. You enjoyed their company. Now you say that person is annoying, and rude. Out of curiosity, could you say that to your “friends” face. Would you be able to honestly tell that person, you are annoying. You are my friend, but I don’t like how you are behaving. If you can say that to their face, great. But it still shouldn’t be said behind their backs.
At my last job, we trialed some ways of making communication better for our patients. One was we were required to talk our staff up. We had to convince the patient the new nurse is the most amazing nurse they will ever have. In shift report now I hear those words effortlessly. No one requires talking up, but we all know each others work well enough, that when trading off we can promise that patient will be well taken care of. Funny thing I learned from this floor. You have to set your staff up for a good shift. When new staff comes in, and your first words are “It was hell, this person was terrible” Automatically your brain thinks you are going to have the worst patient this shift. I have been told many times a patient was difficult, but turns out to be my best patient. Why couldn’t they have started with the positives and left out the negative opinions. That is something we should really focus on. If you can’t say it in front of the patient, don’t say it at all.
A little challenge I want to throw out there for anyone that likes to read my ever lasting comments.
For every one negative thing you think, say, or feel. You have to come up with 3 positives about that same thing. If you think your day is horrible, you better remind yourself that you woke up that morning. You have clothes on your back and you have loved ones around you that might just bring you cookies…
P.s. Brooke I have to tell you I loved the white board idea with Be well, be happy. I started printing off encouraging quotes, motivational reminders and really cute pictures that I wanted to color. I wanted to color a picture for every one of my patients every shift and give it to them. Unfortunately, my hand doesn’t like that much coloring. But in my free time I do some. Also I have thought about giving them out to those patients who enjoy coloring. You certainly do inspire me.
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