The Blame Game

Why do we blame others? It’s just easier that way. We don’t want to own up to our own feelings. When I first started taking anti-depressants, I was in a weird living situation. Nothing was going right. My boyfriend at the time was staying out till the bars closed every single night. My family unit was unfolding I wanted to blame my boyfriend, my family, my work, my friends. However, as I look back at it now, I should have been looking inside myself and wondering why everything was collapsing all at once. I knew deep down I shouldn’t have taken my boyfriend off of the ranch and pressured him to move to Billings. I knew my family would end up where they needed to be, which was for the better. But, it was easier to blame everything on them, then to hone in and work out my feelings, my mindset. This is when I started going down the rabbit hole. In order to get my boyfriend back from the bar, I told him I was going to take all of my pills and be done. Did it work? No, it just created more of negative situation. I feel in your twenties, we play the blame game and automatically blame our family or friends for our life not working out. It is the easiest way out. But is it?

It creates more friction when you bring others down. It may make you feel better at the time because you want the people closest to you to feel the way you do. Well, if I feel bad, other people should people feel bad too. It’s an interconnection we tap into. Not needed. A lot of news out there today. I usually don’t take naps anymore, it was a old habit, but today, I needed to escape. I feel most safe in my bed. I tried to rest, but I had racing thoughts. The question I kept repeating to myself was, “Am I where I want to be right now?” I read the other day, “You are in the right place at the right time.” Timing is everything. I find myself questioning timing right now. But you cannot question it. You have to embrace it. For every negative thought, you need to produce a positive one. It’s the only way forward right now.

I feel I am inside of a movie right now, and we are just getting started. The situation that grounded me this week was an 80 year old with lung cancer. He wants to fight the fight, but age is against him. When you know life is ending, you just want to help others. You want to make the difference. Why does it take a cancer diagnosis to do this? You have ample opportunity now. I appreciated his insight and know he is a kind man. I am so appreciative on the little life lessons I obtain when communicating with these kind souls. They make me realize I am in the right place at the right time. They are there for me as I am there for them.

Then, I had a 60 year old get the pancreatic cancer diagnosis and I sat with him for awhile listening to him. He had a complicated life. As I sit and talk to these wonderful souls, I learn lessons and that lesson is you have to keep living life. You have to keep moving forward. Only you can decide how you want to live this life. A lot of negative emotions today. What I really needed to do was get off of my phone! I spent hours on it today. Yep, I slipped. Am I going to beat myself up for it. I already did. But you see, we do things we regret because we know we could pick up a book, write a blog ;), or connect with a friend. You can’t beat yourself up too bad. Maybe, you needed that phone time today to know what is more important in your life. My actions made me realize what not to do. A lesson learned.

My family had this Christmas cactus when I was a kid. I think my brother has it now. After the new pancreatic cancer patient left, the housekeepers cleaned the room, and guess what he left, a Christmas cactus. It looks just like the one we had in our old house. I have been wanting one for awhile. Manifestation? The last thing that patient asked me was, “Why haven’t we found a cure for cancer yet?” He answered his own question replying, “They couldn’t make money if there was a cure.” I am no scientist, but I am a realist. Why haven’t we? We can get a free vaccine for a brand new virus, but we can’t find the cure for cancer. The only cure I found today was to find the positivity in life situations. I really had to search today. As I look around, I have been so blessed with ongoing opportunities coming my way. Reach out to people that are going to lift you up right now. It’s the only way forward. You never know what you are going to find. Stop blaming and start searching.