I am writing this because this is how I feel right now. What do I want to do? I have no freaking idea. I feel I have contributed to harming patients with big pharma and not being able to truly understand the seed of their illness. And I know I am not the only one that feels this way. This current nurse coaching program was made to understand people and why they become ill. It was the starting point in waking me up. What are their stressors? Stress is linked to illness. I am going to say 90 percent. Why wasn’t I awake? I was trained to be one of them, a robot. I taught many nurses many meds, treatments, protocols, crucial conversations. Why didn’t I research sooner on why people come into the hospital? It’s their outside environment. It’s how they were taught to cope. Why isn’t there more mental help for people? Why are we not honed in on preventative medicine? Why didn’t I wake up sooner? I am awake now!
Brooke, you didn’t know. You had no idea what was going on. I understand you watched a lot of people die, but you were there. You were there to guide them to the other side. And, oh how beautiful it is. They are at peace, they are with you. You are confused right now, and that is ok. How do I become knowing what I want? What makes me happy? You have made differences in people’s lives. You are just focusing on the negative right now. You will see it clearly someday and know you will be saved from all you have seen. You will keep teaching the right way, might take a little while longer to focus in on you, but you will do it for the sake of others. You will become stronger. This will be an opportunity for more growth. To make it right. Past actions will not be justified, present and future ones will. Lead by example. Which examples? Will healthcare change? Only if you change it by staying present in the moment with the vulnerable. I’m tired of the current system. Make me strong again to influence the good in others. Give me space to heal in this journey. Let me feel the feelings so I can make room for ones that need to come in. Let them come.
Brooke's Honest and Truth Blog, RN 
Soooo much truth in this! Xoxo
Megan Mary Porter Cook
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Yes, thank you
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I look at my patient and my patients don’t look like the numbers I see get screamed at because I was told we fix the numbers think of yourself as a scientist!!!! I can’t wrap my head around those words because I went into nursing to treat the whole person! I look at my patient and the breathes are so shallow but my vent is telling me the TV is good I look at my patient and his color is pale and clammy with mottling to his knees has ties that are black and pulses that can barely be heard by Doppler but get told my patient doesn’t need palliative care he’s fine Heather!!! I am at a loss for words and feel like I am tormenting my patient that looks to be struggling just to keep up with the vent! I get told at the end of my shift that I did a great job!! Great job for keep the numbers good.. when did nursing just be about numbers
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I feel you! It’s always been about numbers in medical facilities. We just have to arrange it in our minds that they are not and tell ourself we did the best we could. Our voice is louder than others. We see what others don’t see. However, speaking nurse to nurse, I see you.
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We have been taught that its all about the meds….When in reality it is all about what happens before they reach us…The decisions people make….Not all are about life choices but there is a certain percentage of people that have bought into the “take this pill” it will fix you, no need to exercise or fix balanced meals…just a pill….that is what big pharma has taught them…..when we educate our patients do we educate on nutrition and exercise or medication??? I know what I have done…..we all have bought into the hype…. you have just gone further to educate outside the big pharma box….. one day at a time….one patient at a time…its the way we can turn things around….
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Amen!
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