Examples

I was thinking after my fabulous birthday, what is next? I have quite a few to do things on the check list. One, be okay with living by myself. Two, start my coaching business. Three, live life. So, I came up with a saying. I have no idea if I had heard it somewhere or not, but here it goes: “If you want to set an example for others, you have to set an example for yourself.” Woooweee, this did not happen this week. I wasn’t okay living by myself this week so I went to bed way too early to avoid as to why I was feeling this way. It’s what I do. We all have our ways of dealing with stress, mine has always been avoidance. Avoiding is fearing. Why are we so hesitant on doing something new? Because we instantly think we are going to fail. How do we know if we are doing to fail before even trying? It’s a learned behavior we have obtained from other past experiences where we have not done as well as we thought we would have. So, by not meeting this fear head on, I didn’t set a good example for myself, therefore I could not set it up for someone else. We need to be okay with being by ourselves.

I think we look at being by ourselves as a fear and an inability to keep relationships. May be the reason for mine, however, I would have been more miserable staying in the relationships and not finding what I am truly looking for….inner peace for myself in order to be at peace with others. Inner peace is huge, if you cannot find it within yourself, where do you find it? I find it by someone pursuing me, it’s a rush, I am at peace because someone thinks I have my shit together. This has been a standard of mine for awhile. However, once the pursuing stops, my question is, “What did I do wrong?” I am so disturbed by this thinking process and I am really going to have to dive in deep to know that it is not me. I do have my life together most days, but I don’t know why it has to be at a higher level if someone else is paying attention to it. It never has been me, it’s been my thoughts. If someone tells me something that throws me off guard, one-is it really true? Two, why am I instantly thinking it’s negative. Maybe they are telling me in order to push myself further into a place of solitude where I really need to know who the true Brooke is. This is a constant roller coaster. I feel I do really good for a few days, then the racing thoughts start coming in and they spiral out of control. What helps? Working out, reading positive affirmations, writing, and knowing I truly am worthy of a relationship, whenever that may be. It’s just not my time yet and it hasn’t been for 39 years. So, I do have to give myself credit for not jumping the gun and throwing myself into something which would have been more difficult to get out of. I feel I have set a good example in this regard.

Two, getting my business started. Why my hesitancy? It’s something new, and I am just used to working my three 12 hour shifts and coming home. It’s what I have been doing for 16 years. Time for a change? Yes. If you are feeling your life is just passing you by or you are going to your job just for a pay check, you may need a self reflect check. Life is supposed to be about loving your work. You want to get up every day knowing you are making a difference not only for yourself, but for others. I am not saying I don’t like being a nurse on the floor, I just don’t like the long shifts, the heartache I see with the broken system, and the lack of true 1:1 patient care. These are all things which should be propelling me forward in getting my new adventure started, but I am just stagnant. I just received a text from a pursuer who I have spent minimal time with and he said, ” it happens to all of us, you’ll bounce back, don’t beat yourself up.” I was telling him, I didn’t accomplish much the past four days other than having a great time on my birthday. People tell you things that you need to hear all the time, but are you truly listening? There are signs everywhere, you just need to tune in.

I had to scroll up to see what my third example was. Live life! So, there is a lot of outside influence going on right now, so how do you live life without it haunting you where the world is going. Well, you stop following the news, you shorten the time on social media, and you are start creating the day you want to have. I know it is super hard at times to be positive when situations are not working in our/my favor. But, we have to understand the meaning behind them. If we are told we really do create our reality. What thought processes are you thinking in, when you are creating yours, and are you getting the results you wanted? I know I am not getting the results I want right now, and that is due to the lack of not knowing. But, in order to know, you have to be in the know.