Being a Nurse

I just went on a walk with a good friend. She is a peer, a soft soul, has a big heart and someone I look up to in a lot of ways. We started talking about nursing and really the big question is, “why do we do it?” I don’t want any sympathy from this post, this is not what this is about. This post is about nurses and what we go through on a daily/weekly/yearly basis. Back in what I want to say 2004, the nursing degree was the hardest degree to get through with the amount of education, tests, clinicals, and our favorite….40 page care plans every week voted by a nation study. It was voted on being the most difficult. Many people can disagree and many can agree.

The schooling was hard, but being a nurse is out of the ordinary. I know I haven’t written in awhile. I actually starting writing this months ago. I couldn’t finish it because I feel lost in this field right now. We are not healing the way we are supposed too. Money is what it is all about. When did it become all about money? Why is life all about money? Why is there inflation? What we should be worried about is the caring factor. We should be treating humanity in a way that reflects the worlds values. What are those values? Have we lost the value of love? Have we the lost the value of connection?

The value of love. If you don’t love thyself, you cannot love another being. Plain and simple. Do you see yourself as a failure? What you see yourself as, reflects to others. If you are a mirror, what are you reflecting? Drama? Negativity? Positivity? Caring? What you reflect you attract. The reason I have not been writing is due to the feeling of being lost. What is contributing? I have had a couple of losses lately. Have I grieved enough? It comes and goes. Ebb and flow. Some days hit harder than others. However, in the midst of loss and change, you still have to see the light. It’s the only thing you have. Whether it is just looking up at the sun, reading positive affirmations, or being around people who make you better. They want to help you, they just do. You have to let these people in. They were made here for you.

Was nursing made for me? Loaded question. Yes. I still have hope for humanity. I am striving to shine the light even though darkness settles in from time to time. I think that is what nursing is about. When you walk into the room and help another being, you were made to shine. You were meant for this. I just want better surroundings for people who need to heal. I want hospitals to care for their patients! Not length of stay bullshit. Hospitals around the country actually give you a number of days for a certain diagnosis. They don’t even take in the value of the person, their comorbidities, mental state, physical state. If we don’t meet this length of stay for the diagnosis, not the person, we get slapped on the hand. We are told to work harder. Does this seem appropriate? Lately, I feel we are rushing the process because the “system” doesn’t make money. Screw the system. It makes plenty and if you think they are losing money, you are not awake. Where does it go? Do your own research. Connect the dots.

If nursing was made my way. I would have two patients during my shift. I could sit with them, talk with them, connect. If we don’t connect to each other, what are we doing? What am I doing? Trust the process is what I keep hearing. I’m rushing or shutting down, it’s either one. This is why I have had to step back and slow down. I’m not done slowing down yet. Life is meant to be lived. Money is not supposed to be in control. Change is coming. I can feel it.

I know this post is all over the place, because I am. I am making changes I never thought would even be possible. Not in Brooke’s life is what I kept telling myself. Never say never because if you do, you are missing what life has right in front of you. Life is teaching you everyday, every minute, and at every moment. Are you awake? Are you tuned in? Stop being in the matrix and start questioning why you are here.