The Hunger Games

I have been intrigued by the movie the Hunger Games lately. The reasoning for this is, I feel we are competing in the game constantly and our biggest competition is ourself. I feel as though the different districts represent our multiple personalities. We do have multiple personalities, believe it or not. We act different around certain people, work vs. home life, meeting new people, and people we are comfortable being around. Nurses contain the most personalities of all I believe due to the fact we have to warp into a different personality and/or energy due to the situation presenting itself in every patient room. We may have a patient who is dying, then we have a patient who is detoxing from alcohol, then we have another patient who has dementia. We constantly change our personalities in order to best suit what room or district we are entering. However, when we are done with our 12 hour adventure, we must come home and be ourself. We are on a high all day and we come home exhausted and we have little or no energy for our loved ones at times. Are we really our true self after a 12 hour day? I would say no. However, you have to set up boundaries with your loved ones as to why you are mentally spent from your adventure.

Clear and consistent communication. This is why when choosing a partner, you find one who respects your boundaries and knows you are giving all of yourself at work who truly understands the depth of your job. You choose someone who is strong and can take on the daily duties of running the show at home. If these boundaries are not set, understanding each other will feel like the hunger games. So, in another district, which is the most important of all districts, would be the one you are playing with, in your head. This is the one I struggle with the most these days. By choosing self mental care the last 6 years with having a counselor, I have been able to clearly communicate my needs. Where I am struggling is meeting my own needs in life. I am having a hard time finding pure joy and the meaning of life. Now, I am not depressed, I have simply been corrupted by the mental system of corporations. What I mean by this is when I am not at work taking care of people, I don’t know what to do with myself. I have come to a road block and that road block is known as “work is my hobby.” Now, I do not agree with mask wearing or forced vaccinations due to research so what I have done for myself is gone to part time because then more I research, the more I have been told lies. I have officially gone down the rabbit hole. This happened two years ago……….

I was very vocal about it on social media but I was called out and others thought I was going crazy. But, my learning had just begun. I woke up, I was questioning things, life didn’t feel right from what I was being told from day one. Things weren’t adding up and the most important thing was my intuition. So, since the awakening, I have had a hard time stepping foot into work because I feel big pharma has mesmerized most people and most importantly, health care workers. All of the facts are not there, the science is not there, and most importantly, people’s mental health has declined in the last two years. I am watching medical professionals wanting to quit their job. I am watching new residents struggle with communication skills……mask wearing does this. So, I told myself I would step down to part time. Now, I am having a hard time finding what I really want to do in life. I do love being a nurse, I love taking care of people. I am good at it, but is it worth my mental health knowing there are alternative modalities in healing people and we (big pharma) are not using them? So, this is where I struggle. I know alternatives are out there, but I’m feeding into the broken system every time I step into work. I am at a crossroads.

So, here I am part time, and I have a lot of time on my hands. I have worked so much in the last 17 years, that I am at a loss of what life is really supposed to look like. I was told in a round about way to feel bad if I wasn’t at work and I felt bad knowing patients are not being cared for properly because we are always short staffed. As nurses, we beat ourselves up because we do care for the human collective, but where is the fine line for caring for ourselves vs the broken system? I feel I need to go back in time before my nursing career and find what I truly did to have fun and what life meant when I was living it to the fullest. This is a hard time, but I will find it. You have to stay positive knowing all good things will happen if you are kind, being honest, and most of all, loving yourself but showing that love for others so they learn how to mirror it back. Be the mocking jay.