Learning How to Fail

Failure…..we have put such a negative connection to this word. Why? I was thinking a lot (which I normally do) the other day and my main failure has been relationships. Why haven’t I ever been married? Am I not good enough? Am I too hard to get along with? Do I have too high of expectations? Am I better off alone? That last question was brought to my attention last night by my significant other. Have I been alone for so long, it is all I know? Now, the people who know me; know I have been in a number of relationships. However, what you didn’t know, is I spent more time with myself, than I did with the other person. I hold myself to such a high standard, they weren’t meeting my mark. Honestly, I don’t think I was meeting my mark. The problem was, I never became vulnerable. I knew I was failing at the relationships, but there was a reason for that. I didn’t want to work on it. They weren’t my people.

Now, I looked at this in a negative way last night when I should have flipped it around and saw the positivity in it. They were not pushing me to meet my goals at all. I was pushing them, too hard at times. They were uncomfortable being around me. That’s ok. I failed at communication. Communication is the number one reason why relationships fail. We are so worried about what the other one is going to think. Why this has been my work for over six years now, is how to communicate. You have to do the work in order to get a good outcome. And, sometimes, I don’t like to talk, but you have to, because silence brings doubt, fear, sadness, wondering, resentment. That’s another word a lot of couples have….resentment. Have to talk this shit out. If you want to exist in an ongoing successful relationship, you have to communicate on what each other’s weaknesses are or triggers, in order so start effectively communicating. Triggers are weakness. If you get triggered, you haven’t worked on your initial reactions, or the same situations which are thrown at you. They are thrown at you for a reason! For you to react differently and learn why you trigger, why you fear! You will keep getting them until you figure it out. I still get triggered, but I am working on it.

Ok, failures. As I already told you, I have failed many times. I have failed patients, peers, friends, managers, significant others, parents, siblings, etc. You know what, if I didn’t fail so many times, I wouldn’t have stepped into the world of succeeding. Failures EQUAL success. Start sifting your failures out so you can turn them around into becoming successful. Becoming a new you. Becoming more. If you want too. If you want to stay where you are at, keep doing what you are doing.

My friend circle is dwindling. It is. You may think I have a lot of friends, I don’t. The reason being is they may be in a different part of their lives such as starting families or new relationships. I used to resent this because it took me away from them. Now, I think it is awesome because they are growing their lives! I was the one stuck behind. Another reason why friends come and go is they teach you what you want out of relationships and what you don’t want. I know I have harped on this before. You will outgrow them when you start outgrowing your past self.

FAILURE EQUALS SUCCESS. When are you going to start failing? Or more importantly, when are you going to accept that you have been failing, and learn from it?