Masking

Now this word could represent so many things. I am masking my true feelings. What is behind that mask of yours? Who is the true you? What are you hiding from me? My final one: Why are we still wearing damn masks?! I can’t take it anymore! I came home last night from my shift ultimately defeated. I called my Mom and she got an earful. Thanks Mom for just listening. She took it well and I am grateful she was there. I also had a meltdown with my manager because everyone, not just me feels defeated. Why? We are defeated because we are masked away with our patient’s (most important) by the way. People cannot connect this way! So chew on this…we don’t have to wear masks at schools, thank you by the way for getting rid of that. That’s child abuse. Second, no masks on airplanes, and no masks at doctors’ offices. Hmmmm. Why are we still having to wear them in the hospital? I can never get a straight answer. Why? Because no one knows.

How are we funded.? By the government which owns medicare and medicaid. Our veteran system is broken. They should be getting top of the line care and they don’t. Our mental health care system is a wreck. We wait a couple days before we can get a pysch professional to discuss mental health with a patient. As nurses, we are unable to sit down for 10 minutes and actually listen to a patient because we have to much to do during the day. Who invented this health care system? You do your own research on that. I am emotionally tired and I am so empathetic to the new nurses because this is all they know. I can’t take it. When is this insanity going to stop? I pray all the time it is soon. There has been a record number of nurses walking away from bedside these last few years. We are over worked and under paid. I can hear some of you say, “Nurses make a good wage these days.” I am calling bullshit on this. I have been doing this for 16 years now and I came home last night so upset I was nauseous. We watch people die, we console family members while they watch their loved ones. And isn’t great that we have to wear masks while consoling? We have no studies that they work!! Please envision this in your head. Put yourself in our shoes. Seventy five percent of nurses are either overweight or suffer from a chronic disease. Why do you think that is? It’s called exhaustion, it’s called mental health, it’s called stress, it’s called…..masking. Physically and emotionally.

At this time I am seeing a record number of stage 4 cancers that pop up out of nowhere. What do I contribute it to? Pharmaceutical prevention. How ever you want to look at that. Also, stress. People are scared they can’t pay their bills, they are waiting to the last minute to come in because the world is run by money. What if it wasn’t? What would that look like? I know this is not a typical Brooke post. I just have questions and no one can give me the answers. Are you questioning things right now? This post is not intended to stress you out. It is intended to use your conscious, and ask yourself some questions. Don’t dwell on them because it makes you go crazy. I’m pointing the finger at myself right now. But this is why I write about it because it’s a release for me. And, I am so grateful you are reading it.

Happy Nurses Week, btw. Nurses out there, no, everyone in healthcare right now, you are loved, you have permission to have break downs, you have the ability to question yourself as to why you stay in it? I truly have wanted to quit for awhile now because I have such a hard time watching what is going on. What keeps me going? This is so hard to answer right now, but I will do my best. I feel someone put me here at this time on Earth to help others and this is what keeps me going. I will remain positive because my negative vibes showed yesterday and I wasn’t a true leader. Leaders don’t quit, they keep going, they keep learning, they keep fighting. Everyone is a leader out there, you just have to tap into the qualities. You hold them inside of you. Let them out. We can only survive if we do this together. Stop masking your true feelings. This not only goes for work life, but your personal life. Stay true to who you are, that is all you can do. If others don’t like it, it is on them, not you.